Lovely lady lumps. When Fergie sang those words in The Black-Eyed Peas’ hit single “My Humps,” she meant it as a celebration of womanly curves. In the real world, however, lumps of another kind aren’t so lovely on the ladies. You know what I mean. Those pesky little bumps and lines resulting from our efforts to keep up with the latest fashions. We’ve created many cute phrases to describe them in lighter terms, perhaps to lessen their impact on the near perfect outfits we’ve painstakingly put together for a special occasion. Love handles. Muffin top. Let’s not forget the dreaded VPL. We can resort to calling them our BFF but that won’t make them go away. The best way to combat them is with technology, my friends. I’m here to tell you there is a way to free yourselves from the scourge of not-so-lovely lady lumps. Thanks to the ingenuity of intimate apparel brands, there are panties that help smooth out your form under trendy form-fitting outfits. I’m not talking about shapewear, which is a separate topic I’ll address in a future post. These are functional panties with something extra. Designers are taking new approaches to details such as leg bindings, seams and fabric weight to create 21st century undies that help you look your best with a discreet approach to design that puts performance above appearance, even though they’re still pretty cute in a minimalist way. Unlike fashion panties or sexy underwear, today’s tech intimates are a no-frills category and I mean that in a good way. Remember that finding the right style for you takes some trial and error. To get you started, here’s a selection of styles from some of the best in the market.
Simone Perele Invisi’bulles boy short
Inspired by bubbles (bulles in French), this light-as-air panty from Simone Perele, a newer player in this category that I highly recommend, looks and feels invisible. It has state-of-the-art features that add up to an amazingly light fit. It’s tagless in an ultra-fine, stretch microfiber fabric with stitch-free bonding for a smooth look under clothes. This beauty is made in France.
This wonderful brand, the first to fully address the seamless market, isn’t named Commando for nothing. This precision-cut underwear made from a patented fabric lays smooth and flat on your body. Its “naked” construction, without elastic or trim, eliminates panty lines and hip gouging forever. You’ll barely feel it and people will never see it under your clothes!
Eberjey Pima Goddess lowrider bikini
If you are a hardcore cotton fan with a taste for minimal silhouettes, I recommend you try Eberjey’s Pima Goddess lowrider bikini. With a touch of spandex to enhance fit, this panty in pima, the softest kind of cotton, is an excellent option for subtle styling that flatters all types of bodies. It should be a staple in your lingerie drawer.
OnGossamer Mesh hip boy short
OnGossamer, one of my fave brands, offers a great boy short in a superfine mesh that is seamless. One of their best-selling styles, it’s 100 percent nylon and is trimmed in the brand’s signature delicate edge. It’s amazingly comfortable and guarantees no lines.
Go forth, ladies, and enjoy your fashion without fear of lines and lumps. There are options! If you have any questions, I’m here to help.